a struggle..

I don't know why but the more I try to forget, the more I tend to miss him. Many times I wished that I would just overcome this feeling and move on, but it's not as easy as that. Now I really believe the saying that the deeper you love someone, the harder it is to forget. Most of my friends want me to just let go and move on because the world doesn't stop for my grief, believe me I really want to. When I wake up everyday, I'm hoping that somehow this feeling I have would just disappear. For then I can live a normal life without having the tendencies of breaking down. But it doesn't, it's always there, making it hard for me to live normally. Many people say that time will heal all wounds. It's almost 9 months yet still my wounds aren't healed. On the contrary, it's getting more and more difficult to bear as time passes by. What hurts more is that it seems he already forgotten about me, that I am not a part of his life anymore. While I am here, longing for him every minute of the day. So many questions in my head, so many things I want to say to him, yet I can't. Many times I just whisper to the night and hoping that maybe he would somehow hear what my heart is trying to say. But deep inside I know, he would never hear what my heart is saying. Sometimes I wish that he would know how I really feel, how much I am suffering, how much I really love him. Maybe to him, I am just another girl who fell in love with him and would just eventually forget. But I know it's more than that, it's deeper than that. I could never forget him, not as easy as that, not as fast as he forgotten. He will always be a part of me. If only he would realize how much he means to me. There are plenty of times when sadness envelops me and loneliness slowly starts to drift in that I just couldn't help but cry. It is the predicament that I am in right now, one that continuously challenges my strength and my faith. Yet, in the midst of this struggle I am still hoping that maybe one day I would get through all of these and look back with a smile on my face.