Being confused..

"I will never learn, destined to be a fool and ignorant over some things. But i am willing to take the risk that comes along the way.. No one knows what the future holds for us. We won't know unless we try."

This is what I learned from being confused for like a week or so. I was confused because i chose to be. I have this selective-understanding problem, i choose what i want to understand and what i don't want, i pretend not to understand at all. For the longest time, i have been someone who has no say about anything. I prefer to keep silent and hide what i truly feel. This is part of who i am that i want to change.

Taking a time-off from everything changes how you look at things. It's been 6 months that i was following what my friends here say. Even taking for granted what i really feel and what i really want. Real friends dont want you to chose between them or the one you like. They'll just accept what you really want. They will just be there with you along the way. And when you stumble, they will pick you up. This is what's bothering me for the past weeks or even months. Thinking what i should do, who i should chose. But if they're really my friends, they don't want me to choose. They should accept me for who i am and what i am.

Liking a friend is also one of the complicated things in life. So complicated that it will drive you nuts! Or is it just me? Feelings can't be controlled. It just happens. There are some people who meet that somebody that they can never stop loving, or liking. No matter how hard they try. There are some love or like that just doesn't go away.

How can you assume to be friends with someone when all you think about when you look at him is how much more you really want? Is it possible to be just friends with someone i have these sort of non-moderate feelings for? Or am i doomed to just be significantly hurt?