holding back

Listening to: Penny Dai - Ai Guo

I have an utterly weird feeling that there is something wrong with me. Sometimes, I really can't understand myself. Yes, I want to fall in love again. I want to love and be loved. But when things seem to be going smoothly, I do something awful to make things rocky. When things are going too well, I step back instead of moving one step forward. I know I am holding back, but why? I don't know. Maybe I am scared, scared of taking risks and end up hurting again. I wasn't like this before, I would dive head on and never hold back. Never thinking of the consequences of my choices, but now all I do is think. Don't get me wrong, I still feel things but these things scare me instead of making me excited. I don't know when his patience with me will run out. How long does he have to wait? I don't know. I just hope he can wait and not give up on me. :(

Listening to: Fish Leong - Yong Qi

Courage, we need it when we want to love. That's one thing I am lacking of right now. I need to get back my courage which I somehow left along the way of my letting go. I know this whole loving thing is not easy. I need courage to face it all. Give me back my courage for me to be able to love again...