Choices

Have you ever wondered if things would be different if you stayed and held on instead of letting go and moving on? Did it ever cross your mind that if you made a different choice, things wouldn't be what they are now? I did and I still do.

Everyday in our lives we make choices, whether we choose the right one or the wrong one, it's something we need to face everyday. Some of us aren't lucky enough to make the right choices most of the time. It's not that we are that stupid, it's just that it seems like we are cursed to make bad choices in our lives. Well, I am one of those who are cursed. All those signifant times in my life where I needed to make the right choice, I always end up making the wrong one. Those choices eventually affected me badly - physically, mentally and emotionally.

There's a song that exactly describes how I feel and it goes like this: "Sometimes life can be a burden, trying to stay one step ahead. Feel the world upon my shoulder each time, I'm standing out on the edge. And my hopes have all deserted me, like they've washed away in the sand. And it's hurting my pride, trying to survive. Yes, sometimes I get tired of living this kind of life. When I think of how my life turned to be this way and try to find out when my life took it's turning point from the happy state that I was in into this terrible horrible state, it brings me back to that one time when I met the person who eventually took what makes me as a person - my dignity, my pride and my love for myself. I know we should never regret anything we did, or any choices we made but honestly, I really regret that one choice I made which eventually lead me into making a lot of wrong choices. I wasted 5 long years, give or take a few months. I can say that I was extremely stupid, way beyond you can imagine. It's not that I didn't know any better, I knew. But I never wanted to accept and believe the truth. After that, my life turned this way, the curse is stuck with me. Until now, it keeps on haunting me. And it feels like it won't get better anymore, it just keeps on getting worse.

All I ever wanted from life was happiness, yet it seems like all I get are heartaches and heartbreaks. What I really wanted from life was to have a guy who will love me as much as I love him or even more. I didn't even want fame, money and status. All I ever wanted was love. But now, I guess it's time to turn it all around. Maybe it's about time to give up on love and make a drastic change on what I want in life. Maybe, maybe not. It's just that sometimes I really get tired of getting my heart be trampled on and broken again and again. All I can say now is that my heart needs a break, I need break. I guess it's about time for me to stand up for myself. Like my friend said, self-preservation. Give myself back the dignity, the pride and the love for myself that I lost. Maybe love will come knocking on my door again, maybe not. One thing I learned is that we are responsible for the choices we make. We are the ones who control our happiness. If we don't give too much of ourselves, we won't get hurt. If we didn't expect too much, we won't get disappointed. Acceptance is the key.

An expectation hangover is worse than any tequila hangover you will ever endure because it lasts much longer than a day, and no amount of aspirin or greasy food can cure it. An expectation hangover occurs when things do not turn out like we thought they should and then we feel awful. Disappointment, sadness, lack of motivation, negativity, and loneliness are all symptoms of expectation hangovers. All of us at some point have experienced this dreadful, yet common, phenomenon.