death

Everyone knows they're going to die, but nobody believes it. If we did, we would do things differently. Once you learn how to die, you learn how to live. Death ends a life, not a relationship.

A lot of people I know are scared of death, well most people are. But what we've got to know is that death is not a bad thing at all. It is in fact, a start of something wonderful - a life without pain and suffering.

I am prepared to die. I accepted death as a part of my life. I know anytime of the day I can possibly die from whatever cause not known to me. I can die in my sleep. I can die while walking. I might crash my car while driving. I might have some sort of a disease. I don't know what the cause of my death will be but what I know is that I am going to die eventually. There's no question to that. One thing I am praying for is that I am going to die painlessly and peacefully. I don't want to suffer, I don't want a painful death for I believe I experienced enough suffering in my life.

Not all of us have plans for our death. I guess I am one of those strange people. Yes, I have plans about my death. I have certain things I want to be done after I die. I know it's a little bit out of the ordinary to have plans of my death while most people have plans of their weddings. But for me, my death is important to me. It's my freedom, freeing myself from all the sufferings this life has caused me. It marks an end to the crazy wonderful life I've lived.

Not everyone are into cremation, but I want to be cremated immediately after I die. I don't want to have a wake. I just want to gather all my family, all my friends - the special people who touched my life in a small celebration - my death. I want them to celebrate my death, not grieve. I want everyone to wear white for it signifies peace and purity. I want the atmosphere to be light. In this celebration, I want a band to play the song Hear You Me by Jimmy Eat World. One person to sing Gary Valenciano's Warrior Is A Child and a girl to sing Amazing Grace. I would like this celebration to take place on the seaside, not on a beach but on a quiet place near the sea. I want everyone to feel the breeze of the wind and to hear the sound of the waves. I want my ashes to placed on a small bottle which is attached to a single white rose and be given to the special people in my life during the celebration, to be scattered to the sea afterwards. After this, I want each one to release a lavender/pink balloon with a wish for maybe I can ask God to answer it. I want everyone to remember me as a living person - beautiful and smiling, the vibrant me, not a dead one lying lifelessly in a coffin. And lastly, I want everyone to remember me as someone who loves deeply and unselfishly. A person who would give up everything for someone she loves.

All the things I want on the celebration of my death are the things that I love most in my life. Music is no doubt a part of it because music defines my life - my heart and soul. I love music. All my experiences and feelings can be expressed by songs. I chose the seaside because it's the only place I can find peace. Whenever I am sad, depressed or when I want to clear my head, I just go to the seaside to release and recharge. It makes me feel better. It relieves me from everything. Ever since I was little, I loved roses. I am a sucker for roses. Everyone knows how much I love the colors pink and lavender, but I also love the color white. These colors for me bring peace, sootheness and calmness. The balloons signify the part when I leave the physical world - the act of letting me go, the physical me. And of course, the most important component of these all, the special people in my life - my family and friends.

Even if I die, I know I would still be a part of all those people whose lives I've touched. I know I would still live in their hearts, that's why I don't dread death. I embrace it. As a matter of fact, I'm looking forward to it.